A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
