that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
