had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
