there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
