Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dear god my vagina.
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