Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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