Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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