wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
