I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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