whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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