at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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