You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
