Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
