she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he thought i was a dude.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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