U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
