So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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