Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
