he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
false alarm, still single
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
