I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You dont lie about slip and slides
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
