Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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