fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
