Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
