Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
