dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
then he tried to convert me to islam
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
