the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
