I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
