It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
