Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
