On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
