Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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