i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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