like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
