Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
