Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
