we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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