drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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