Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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