I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
