whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
