I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
