First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
