She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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