she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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