i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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