The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
