Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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