Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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