If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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