Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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