Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
