College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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