don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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