i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
