After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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