Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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