ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
