but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
