i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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