You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
