my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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